oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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