She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
