he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize