EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
