Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
