Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
