Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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