I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
