people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
