I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
