hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
