Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize