ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
