Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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