maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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