He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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