Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Even my vagina gasped.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
