Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
