Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
