i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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