Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
