Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
