When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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