a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
