I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
