im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
