Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
