I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
