I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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