eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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