New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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