grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
