Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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