I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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