if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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