dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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