it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
