She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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