Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
