if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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