Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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