i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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