Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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