There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
