She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
