OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
