No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
