Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
