Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
