Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we're making bets on your personal life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
