I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
