just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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