I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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