she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
