I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
