i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I want to fling myself into the sun
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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