we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
