foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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