There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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