You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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