I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize