It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
