1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hippo gnu deer
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
