tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
