So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
